When Back-To-School Isn’t.

Back-to-school for bereaved parents, when back to school isn't

There used to be a “Staples” back-to-school commercial that made me laugh. It had Moms and Dads with their pouty kids in tow, gleefully dancing and riding shopping carts down the aisles of Staples to the Christmas classic “Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.” I admit it was one of my favorite commercials. It was funny. After 9 weeks or so of having children home for the summer, any parent probably has moments, as fall approaches, where they want to sing that tune too. Even so, summer is such a special time for families and ours was no different. For years we began … Continue reading

The Ripple Effect- Secondary Loss

secondary loss, secondary loss of grief, the ripple effect of grief, grief changes your life, loss of a child,surviving loss of a child

You’ve been moving through life. You know there is no “normal” except maybe the new one you are trying to figure out, but you’re carrying the weight of your loss more effectively. You can (almost) control the days you can’t control because you are back to work and everyone expects normalcy. You’ve come to accept that sorrow flows through your veins like the part of you it has become, but you are thinking forward and you even laugh sometimes. It feels good to laugh. You’ve found some reasons to keep going and it occurs to you that you are surviving this thing … Continue reading

What Would You Do, Mom? Grieving a child without your Mother on Mother’s Day.

Surviving child loss without Mom, Mothers day without Mom. What would Mom do?

Last Mothers Day is mostly a non-memory for me. My only recollection is sitting on the back steps of the cabin we were staying at, holding my husband and sobbing on his left shoulder while he talked to his Mom on the phone. I remember stifling my cries and thinking “I know he’s trying to talk to his Mom, but I just can’t stop.” And I couldn’t.  I remember feeling like if I let go of him, I’d sink into the bowels of the earth and never make it out. The sorrow and pain was unhinging me. It was un-Godly every … Continue reading

The Prize Fighter

endurance for grief, child loss, surviving after loss of a child

THE PRIZE FIGHTER I have the unfortunate privilege of being a part of an on-line community of hundreds of amazing and brave bereaved mothers who seek the comfort and understanding of other women who are trying to survive the loss of their child. They seek this comfort largely because there is acknowledgement and understanding. People who “get it” 24/7. There are many common threads in the conversations including the frustration and pain of people trying to push a silver lining into your child’s loss (“But think of all the memories you have!”), being misunderstood because many think there is an end-point in the grief of child-loss, wishing the ones they love could understand what … Continue reading

When A Community Grieves

When a community grieves along with a family it is elevated far above simply a place where people live and shop and go to school. I have seen this with my own eyes and it is a beautiful, wonderful thing to behold and an even more wonderful thing to absorb as a bereaved parent.

WHEN A COMMUNITY GRIEVES It was morning. I was sitting down enjoying the rich aroma, and about to take my first sip of coffee. The initial thoughts of the day are always of my son. I could see him like he was there, quietly padding through the kitchen to the sunroom where I now sit, like he did every weekend morning. Thoughts of him are never off my mind. Not for a second. He superimposes every moment of my life. The clenching in my stomach was a little tighter than usual that morning and had been. The “one year” of our tragedy was 2 … Continue reading