“Aiden’s Place- A Retreat For Bereaved Parents”

Aiden’s Place- A Retreat For Bereaved Parents. He was so excited about this place. It was 3rd grade and his class had gone to a nature preserve called “5 Rivers”. He couldn’t stop talking about the trails, the bridges, the fish and aaaallllll the wildlife he got to see. We ‘had to see it’, he said. So one day the 5 of us went to 5 Rivers with Aiden as our tour guide. It was so wonderful, I see why he loved it- miles of shaded trails, trees fallen into ponds to climb out on, wooden bridges and 5 rivers … Continue reading

It Started With Love

It Started With Love, Child Loss, Grief, Missing your child, living with Grief, Bereaved Moms

It started with Love.  A letter. My hurting friend, Are you happening upon this site in ‘fresh grief’? Are you a few months or years out? Maybe you’re huddled next to your child’s bed rocking your body into and out of the primordial moans of agony that have become the call for your missing child? Perhaps you’re with me, at an incomprehensible 5-year milestone? It may not matter, as we share the same unwritten language and are crawling the same formidable path. I’m there with you. I may not be right beside you, but I can feel you near. I … Continue reading

Focus on The Light-Keeping a heavenly perspective at Christmas

Focus On the Light, Surviving the holidays after loss of a child, When Christmas hurts, Until I hold you again, Light of Christ

  FOCUS ON THE LIGHT-Keeping a heavenly perspective at Christmas.  This time of year, when the world is sparkly and rejoicing, it feels particularly harsh against the shadowy backdrop this life where my son is gone. The Christmas season makes the already gaping wounds of child-loss seep and throb. As I try to function like the old me and keep up with the additional stress and demands, the ambush of grief seems to be constant and everywhere. The parades, the parties, the shows, Christmas cards arriving daily, non-stop commercials and the worst, for me- Christmas music. It’s everywhere. Music used … Continue reading

Grieving The Holidays

Grieving The Holidays, Surviving The Holidays After The Loss of a Child, Grief,

This is a re-post from 2 years ago. I am reposting for the new subscribers who may not have searched posts regarding the holidays after the loss of a child. I hope there is something in here that can help you or your loved ones through the rest of the holidays.   Somewhat by my own doing, life has spun out of control lately. Over-committed, over-worked, over-stressed and under-rested and carrying an extraordinarily heavy emotional burden. I didn’t plan well. I didn’t say ‘no’ when I should have, I had no form of self-care and it was the perfect storm … Continue reading

After 5 Thanksgivings, Where Gratitude Lies

After 5 Thanksgiving, where gratitude lies, Thanksgiving, Gratitude in Child loss, Grieving through the holidays, Surviving the loss of a child,

After 5 Thanksgivings without one of my children, I have learned so much of what I wish I never had to know. Such as, that living without him on any given day is brutally painful, and each day I must do it all over again. As hard as ‘normal’ everyday-days are, the holidays are exponentially worse and that fact has not changed. The ache cuts deeper and it’s a form of loneliness only a parent of loss can understand. The hole in our lives feels darker and harder to walk around this time of year. By contrast, the frenzy and … Continue reading

What Mother’s Miss, A Journal Entry

What Mothers Miss, Living without Your Child, Child loss, Until I hold you again

One of your buddies was in the office today. He had on your bracelet. Aiden #18. He is so tall his legs come off the end of the table, like yours would. Soccer try-outs were this week. You would be there. You should be there. I miss you so badly I don’t know where to put the pain sometimes. The list of what I am missing about you feels endless, I guess it is endless, because my days without you are-endless. Forever. I know the others must feel this way too, so this is for them as well.  Journal entry, … Continue reading

The Year In Grief Pt. 2

Grief, loss of child, The Year In Grief, Until I Hold You Again, Surviving the loss of a child,

The Year In Grief Pt. 2 Another year can be a relief- another year survived, another year closer to reunion with our child. Another year can also feel like the tiniest step in an infinite trial. Here is part 2 of some observations from 2018. My Living Children Are “OK” Right Now. After a recent conversation in our parents group, I have decided to edit this section a bit. I want to be optimistic about the well-being of my surviving boys however I cannot let my desire for them to be ok blind me from their reality.  Originally this section … Continue reading

The Year In Grief- Observations From 2018

Coexistence of Joy and Pain, Contradictions in living with the loss of a child, bereaved parents, another year without your child

The Year In Grief (Part I); You would think a couple of years into living with the chronic pain of child loss that not much would change, that the learning curve would be waning down. That’s not the case. I am constantly observing new things about this life, about others and about continuing to live while grieving the loss of my son. Here are some thoughts from myself and others who walk this path with me; God gives me the strength for this day.  There are days where I wander about directionless, lost in foggy disorientation. There are days when the … Continue reading

Living In The Gap

Beyond The Veil, Waiting For Heaven, Missing your Child

  LIVING IN THE GAP- Insight on the disconnect grieving parents feel interpersonally and spiritually in the unrecognizable world they live in.  I remember scuba diving years ago and being very deep. We were in the Caymens and exploring farther out and deeper down. It was glorious and exhilarating! A stunning new world we were discovering together. We were exploring down the side of an underwater cliff when the sea floor seemed to disappear beneath us. We had reached a fissure so deep and so wide the bottom was undetectable-miles and miles down. My earth-dwelling instincts made my heart start, feeling … Continue reading

The Last First-Day-Of-School

Child Loss, The Last firs-day-of-school, child loss and the start of school, losing a school age child, Until I Hold you again, child loss awareness

I stood on our deck in the perfect evening air and stared up at what was a magnificent sky. A full moon, jet black sky with stars everywhere. The moon was so bright I could see the colors of all the flowers and trees around me. The sharp blueish-white cast from the moon decorated the yard and porch in an eerie but beautiful glow. Our favorite kind of night, peaceful and artistic. The kind of night he and I would sit out here together, looking at the sky and chatting about whatever. In the moonlight I saw him running in … Continue reading