Category Archives: A Day In The Life

The Year In Grief Pt. 2

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Grief, loss of child, The Year In Grief, Until I Hold You Again, Surviving the loss of a child,

The Year In Grief Pt. 2 Another year can be a relief- another year survived, another year closer to reunion with our child. Another year can also feel like the tiniest step in an infinite trial. Here is part 2 of some observations from 2018. My Living Children Are “OK” Right Now. After a recent conversation in our parents group, I have decided to edit this section a bit. I want to be optimistic about the well-being of my surviving boys however I cannot let my desire for them to be ok blind me from their reality.  Originally this section … Continue reading →

The Year In Grief- Observations From 2018

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Coexistence of Joy and Pain, Contradictions in living with the loss of a child, bereaved parents, another year without your child

The Year In Grief (Part I); You would think a couple of years into living with the chronic pain of child loss that not much would change, that the learning curve would be waning down. That’s not the case. I am constantly observing new things about this life, about others and about continuing to live while grieving the loss of my son. Here are some thoughts from myself and others who walk this path with me; God gives me the strength for this day.  There are days where I wander about directionless, lost in foggy disorientation. There are days when the … Continue reading →

Like When…

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Like When...random thoughts only a bereaved parent would understand

They are gone, yet we see them everywhere. They don’t stand before us, but they consume our thoughts and dreams. We cannot touch or smell them but we imagine every circumstance with them in it. Excruciatingly absent. Ever-present.   LIKE WHEN… …random moments only parents of loss would know. Like when you are on the treadmill at the gym and 2 young boys, exactly your sons should-be-age get on the treadmill in front of you. They are the same build as your son, they are wearing the EXACT clothes your son wore and one of them even resembles your son. … Continue reading →

Disoriented

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disoriented by grief, in the mind of a bereaved parent

  Disoriented. That’s how it feels sometimes, maybe a lot of the time. On some days I must seem a little distant as a result. Not spacey, but just slightly removed. I try not to be when other people are around, but many times it is when other people are around that our minds are brought back to places and times that once were, or thrown forward to places and times that won’t be. I am aware of the momentary disconnect this can create and often think people must wonder what goes on in my head. Possibly we all appear so ‘normal’ and ‘good’ that most think … Continue reading →

What Would You Do, Mom? Grieving a child without your Mother on Mother’s Day.

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Surviving child loss without Mom, Mothers day without Mom. What would Mom do?

Last Mothers Day is mostly a non-memory for me. My only recollection is sitting on the back steps of the cabin we were staying at, holding my husband and sobbing on his left shoulder while he talked to his Mom on the phone. I remember stifling my cries and thinking “I know he’s trying to talk to his Mom, but I just can’t stop.” And I couldn’t.  I remember feeling like if I let go of him, I’d sink into the bowels of the earth and never make it out. The sorrow and pain was unhinging me. It was un-Godly every … Continue reading →

The Prize Fighter

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endurance for grief, child loss, surviving after loss of a child

THE PRIZE FIGHTER I have the unfortunate privilege of being a part of an on-line community of hundreds of amazing and brave bereaved mothers who seek the comfort and understanding of other women who are trying to survive the loss of their child. They seek this comfort largely because there is acknowledgement and understanding. People who “get it” 24/7. There are many common threads in the conversations including the frustration and pain of people trying to push a silver lining into your child’s loss (“But think of all the memories you have!”), being misunderstood because many think there is an end-point in the grief of child-loss, wishing the ones they love could understand what … Continue reading →