…And She Laughs At The Future

And She laughs at the future… I heard that Proverbs scripture in church this week. It spoke to me, but in a melancholy sort of way. It spoke to me of who I was not. What I am not capable of. I felt that deep in my soul because that is not always how it was, I am not who I was. I not only laughed at the future, I embraced it with open welcoming arms. I am a planner. I planned our future in detail. I loved looking forward to the next year, the next holidays, the next birthday, the next stage of … Continue reading

Surrender For Peace

I could not feel God in the slightest. What I did feel was an enormously lonely void from where He used to be. The very idea of God not being here and not being who I always knew Him to be was an emptiness so vast in and of itself, it was hard to comprehend. It wasn’t on purpose. I was not willingly turning from God. I just could not find him. And yes, I blamed him. I was reeling. Truly, like at any moment I would fly off into space. Like in the movies when the astronaut is trying to … Continue reading