What Mother’s Miss, A Journal Entry

What Mothers Miss, Living without Your Child, Child loss, Until I hold you again

I originally wrote this in March. Dreaded March. It seems appropriate today too. Your would-be 18th birthday. #18 would be 18. Even now, I cannot fathom this. I miss you so badly I don’t know where to put the pain sometimes. The list of what I am missing about you feels endless. It is endless, because my days without you are endless. Forever.  Journal entry, March 8, 2019 I fear forgetting a single thing. I know there are details that must be slipping away as I power on without you. The futality of intentional overload and busy-ness to ease the … Continue reading

When A Community Grieves

When a community grieves along with a family it is elevated far above simply a place where people live and shop and go to school. I have seen this with my own eyes and it is a beautiful, wonderful thing to behold and an even more wonderful thing to absorb as a bereaved parent.

WHEN A COMMUNITY GRIEVES It was morning. I was sitting down enjoying the rich aroma, and about to take my first sip of coffee. The initial thoughts of the day are always of my son. I could see him like he was there, quietly padding through the kitchen to the sunroom where I now sit, like he did every weekend morning. Thoughts of him are never off my mind. Not for a second. He superimposes every moment of my life. The clenching in my stomach was a little tighter than usual that morning and had been. The “one year” of our tragedy was 2 … Continue reading

Unrequited Need

UNREQUITED NEED I was probably just boarding the plane to get back to face it. The unimaginable. By the grace of God, I was with N.  We were both quaking, sobbing, holding on to one another for life-literally, in fresh shock, while someone wrongly jumped to a conclusion about what happened and posted it on social media. An adult did this. Announcing to my world, to Aiden’s world, assumptions about our tragedy without knowing a thing about it. They were wrong, as most people who jump to conclusions and voice it to the world are, but it started a chain of the most irresponsible and damaging … Continue reading