The Year In Grief- Observations From 2018

Coexistence of Joy and Pain, Contradictions in living with the loss of a child, bereaved parents, another year without your child

The Year In Grief (Part I); You would think a couple of years into living with the chronic pain of child loss that not much would change, that the learning curve would be waning down. That’s not the case. I am constantly observing new things about this life, about others and about continuing to live while grieving the loss of my son. Here are some thoughts from myself and others who walk this path with me; God gives me the strength for this day.  There are days where I wander about directionless, lost in foggy disorientation. There are days when the … Continue reading

When A Community Grieves

When a community grieves along with a family it is elevated far above simply a place where people live and shop and go to school. I have seen this with my own eyes and it is a beautiful, wonderful thing to behold and an even more wonderful thing to absorb as a bereaved parent.

WHEN A COMMUNITY GRIEVES It was morning. I was sitting down enjoying the rich aroma, and about to take my first sip of coffee. The initial thoughts of the day are always of my son. I could see him like he was there, quietly padding through the kitchen to the sunroom where I now sit, like he did every weekend morning. Thoughts of him are never off my mind. Not for a second. He superimposes every moment of my life. The clenching in my stomach was a little tighter than usual that morning and had been. The “one year” of our tragedy was 2 … Continue reading

This Is How We Go On…October 17, 2015

Learning how to get through the first 's without your chlld.

THIS IS HOW WE GO ON, OCTOBER 17, 2015 It took some time for the reality, the emotion and the images of the weekend to sink in. It kind of hit us mid-week and into the next weekend so I couldn’t really think about writing about it until recently. The week following Aiden’s birthday was heavy and sad. It carried the sorrow that probably would’ve surfaced over the weekend had it not been for the people that were, gratefully, with us continually. But I did show up, like I vowed I would. It was everything it could’ve been-thanks entireley to the people who made sure it … Continue reading

Loss Of A Child: Surviving The First Days

Loss of a Child. One of the beautiful and amazing things about the human spirit is that during the most horrific of circumstances, we can still look upon the faces of those we love and that powerful transcendent emotion rises above all else.

You’ve just received the news that is every parents worst nightmare. The news that was never supposed to visit your doorstep. You have lost your child, your flesh and blood. You would die 1,000 times for this child, yet, that has no bearing in this new reality. You wish God would take you as well and end this nightmare. The urge to go be with your child is a stronger force than anything you’ve ever felt before. You need to go to him but you can’t. The pain in your body is unbearable, like no pain you have experienced before. It’s unique and awful … Continue reading

Liebster Award!

I had the most exciting thing happen this week! I had the honor of being nominated by Jonathan Bodice of Jonathan’s Studio for the Newbie Blogging Liebster Award! It is my first blogging award and am excited to pass along this little blessing to other bloggers so they too can feel the boost I do today. The blogging community is pretty cool and this is one of there reasons why. I really want to thank Jonathan for giving a blog like mine, with such heavy subject matter, a serious look. That says a lot about him and I hope you’ll visit his blog. What … Continue reading

“She Speaks”

My new creed for life, “Believing against the grain”, includes “I believe God has work for me to do”. Even believing the tenants of that creed can be impossible some days but something amazing happened this week and I’ve experienced a tiny glimpse of what that may look like and I’m so excited about it! Just typing those words “I’m so excited” seems strange. Wonderful strange, when I never dreamed I would be able to feel anything remotely resembling excitement at this point. Mary told me a couple months ago about the “She Speaks” conference happening in July. It is a … Continue reading

Gratefulness in Sorrow

I think often, almost daily, about what people have done for us- the kindness and love that was extended to us from so many people. Even in the first days, which are so hard to even think about right now, I remember feeling warmth and gratitude. What a welcomed feeling. An unimaginable feeling for the time, really. It makes me think of people who may have had to do this without that kind of support and I hurt for them. I can’t imagine it. These people, some close friends, some barely acquaintances may have no idea the impact their gestures … Continue reading