Category Archives: Holidays

Focus on The Light-Keeping a heavenly perspective at Christmas

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Focus On the Light, Surviving the holidays after loss of a child, When Christmas hurts, Until I hold you again, Light of Christ

  FOCUS ON THE LIGHT-Keeping a heavenly perspective at Christmas.  This time of year, when the world is sparkly and rejoicing, it feels particularly harsh against the shadowy backdrop of this life where my son is gone. The Christmas season makes the already gaping wounds of child-loss seep and throb. As I try to function like the old me and keep up with the additional stress and demands, the ambush of grief seems to be constant and everywhere. The parades, the parties, the shows, Christmas cards arriving daily, non-stop commercials and the worst, for me- Christmas music. It’s everywhere. Music … Continue reading →

Grieving The Holidays

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Grieving The Holidays, Surviving The Holidays After The Loss of a Child, Grief,

This is a re-post from 2 years ago. I am reposting for the new subscribers who may not have searched posts regarding the holidays after the loss of a child. I hope there is something in here that can help you or your loved ones through the rest of the holidays.   Somewhat by my own doing, life has spun out of control lately. Over-committed, over-worked, over-stressed and under-rested and carrying an extraordinarily heavy emotional burden. I didn’t plan well. I didn’t say ‘no’ when I should have, I had no form of self-care and it was the perfect storm … Continue reading →

After 5 Thanksgivings, Where Gratitude Lies

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After 5 Thanksgiving, where gratitude lies, Thanksgiving, Gratitude in Child loss, Grieving through the holidays, Surviving the loss of a child,

After 5 Thanksgivings without one of my children, I have learned so much of what I wish I never had to know. Such as, that living without him on any given day is brutally painful, and each day I must do it all over again. As hard as ‘normal’ everyday-days are, the holidays are exponentially worse and that fact has not changed. The ache cuts deeper and it’s a form of loneliness only a parent of loss can understand. The hole in our lives feels darker and harder to walk around this time of year. By contrast, the frenzy and … Continue reading →

The Year In Grief- Observations From 2018

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Coexistence of Joy and Pain, Contradictions in living with the loss of a child, bereaved parents, another year without your child

The Year In Grief (Part I); You would think a couple of years into living with the chronic pain of child loss that not much would change, that the learning curve would be waning down. That’s not the case. I am constantly observing new things about this life, about others and about continuing to live while grieving the loss of my son. Here are some thoughts from myself and others who walk this path with me; God gives me the strength for this day.  There are days where I wander about directionless, lost in foggy disorientation. There are days when the … Continue reading →

Stop The Clock

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The sands of time, new years with loss of a child, missing your child

The last of the tiny sands of time from 2017 are silently slipping through the hour glass as I write this. I have always loved hour glasses, admiring them in a pensive sort of way.  I’m captured by the curves of the slender glass, the hypnotizing flow of the sands, but especially their fragility. Knowing the glass could crack and shatter at the slightest disturbance, the sands of time set adrift to an arbitrary future after such simple predictability.  I can relate to an hour-glass. That has been my experience. The passage of time for us is so littered with … Continue reading →

So, how was your Thanksgiving…really?

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Thanksgiving, holidays after child loss, grief during holidays, holiday grieving, life without your child,

If you are one that needs the silver lining, or the big positive spin at the end, this post is not for you. Really. If you’re offended by a little  profanity, click the “X” and skip this one.   “So, how was your Thanksgiving…really?” Year #1 Thanksgiving. As most could only imagine, it was unimaginable. Like nothing I ever thought I could survive. The waves of drowning grief were riding in like a raging storm- punishing and relentless. We were still coping hour to hour. Simply existing was agony. I hosted Thanksgiving. We cooked, we ate, we drank, we did. I ducked … Continue reading →

The Other Side of Mother’s Day

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The Other Side of Mothers Day, Mothers Day, Bereaved Moms on Mothers Day

  Mother’s Day was my most treasured holiday, ever since I was pregnant with my first and our Pastor announced our big news from the pulpit on Mothers Day, 1994. I was in a red dress and heels and I was beaming. A child. Mine. I had never known such thorough joy as I did then. Yet I never once contemplated what it may be like for others. I would dress my boys in their button up shirts and ties for church on Mother’s Day. I was never more grateful for my life than on that day. All I ever wanted-my life was … Continue reading →

Surviving Christmas Without Your Child

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Surviving Christmas Without Your Child

I will need to survive Christmas without my child. Again. I’m trying not to dread the holidays. Trying to embrace them though is like trying to embrace a dark and unpredictable ‘being’. You might find a safe spot to hug, but most likely it’s going to hurt like hell. Last year without our son was everything you would imagine the first Christmas without your child to be and then some. I have learned that everyday after losing a child you must make a decision to want to continue to live or wanting to die. And by “die”, I don’t necessarily … Continue reading →

Finding Thanks On Thanksgiving

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Thanks on Thanksgiving, the most powerful love in the world, grief and the holidays

FINDING THANKS ON THANKSGIVING It’s here. The holidays. The streets are decorated with twinkle lights and garland, Christmas carols ring from every store, invitations to Christmas parties and gatherings are arriving in the in-box. Like everything, what used to be such a welcomed joyful time is now something to endure. I find myself wishing away the days…again. Wishing away this at least. How many masks am I going to have to put on over the next few weeks? I can’t give advice because I am doing this for the first time. The first of everything since the loss of my son. This will be … Continue reading →