This Is How We Go On…October 17, 2015

Learning how to get through the first 's without your chlld.

THIS IS HOW WE GO ON, OCTOBER 17, 2015 It took some time for the reality, the emotion and the images of the weekend to sink in. It kind of hit us mid-week and into the next weekend so I couldn’t really think about writing about it until recently. The week following Aiden’s birthday was heavy and sad. It carried the sorrow that probably would’ve surfaced over the weekend had it not been for the people that were, gratefully, with us continually. But I did show up, like I vowed I would. It was everything it could’ve been-thanks entireley to the people who made sure it … Continue reading

Loss Of A Child Does NOT “happen for a reason”.

Grief is not something that can be fixed. It can only be carried

LOSS OF A CHILD DOES NOT “HAPPEN FOR A REASON”. Loss of a child, or any tragedy does not “happen for a reason”. A friend sent me this article from the website of Tim Lawrence called The Adversity Within. It is well worth a share. I particularly love the idea he so perfectly and simply articulated, that grief is not something we choose to go through or not, or something that we need to be cured of. I have also come to understand that it is, in itself, part of surviving tragic loss. He writes, “You take responsibility for how you choose … Continue reading

Milestones; To Recognize Small Steps of Courage and Healing.

THE REALITY With the significant “firsts” ( his birthday, Thanksgiving & Christmas ) heading our way, I’m feeling a bit unsteady and vulnerable right now. I’m frightened, to be perfectly honest. I’m afraid for so many reasons. Every day is still uncharted territory. Other than  acute awareness of my loss, I never know what’s coming and being on guard for that uncertainty wears on a person. I know that every morning when I don’t go upstairs to wake him for school, Aiden dies for me again. Every ascent up the stairs face to face with his bedroom, he dies. Every time I see … Continue reading

The Survivors Creed

Writing a new post has been challenging this week. While I ponder and type and delete and type, please have this as a resource for the hard days, or just as a way to start your day. Please save this to your phone for yourself or for a friend who may need it. I made this for my own phone to gaze at on the days where I forget why I need to keep fighting, believing and hoping. Love to you all. Jennifer Taken from “Gone But Not Lost, Grieving The Death Of A Child”  by Weirsbe, David

Loss Of A Child: Surviving The First Days

Loss of a Child. One of the beautiful and amazing things about the human spirit is that during the most horrific of circumstances, we can still look upon the faces of those we love and that powerful transcendent emotion rises above all else.

You’ve just received the news that is every parents worst nightmare. The news that was never supposed to visit your doorstep. You have lost your child, your flesh and blood. You would die 1,000 times for this child, yet, that has no bearing in this new reality. You wish God would take you as well and end this nightmare. The urge to go be with your child is a stronger force than anything you’ve ever felt before. You need to go to him but you can’t. The pain in your body is unbearable, like no pain you have experienced before. It’s unique and awful … Continue reading

Family Ink

From the onset of our tragedy it was incredibly important to me that our family heal together and stay connected. We all had very different experiences surrounding Aiden’s loss and are experiencing very distinct healing pathways, as expected. From day #1 I was crazy instinctual about gathering my remaining chicks ( it doesn’t matter how old they are ), pulling them in close and walking through this as a family. I needed my boys near me. I still do. As I have mentioned before, we were experiencing a true existential crisis. One I never would’ve imagined until I was in it, so I understand if you … Continue reading

Find Rescue From The Bad Days

8 TIPS FOR GRIEF

I’m not going to lie, it has been a rough couple of weeks. We had such an unexpectedly good week after dropping N off at college, deep down I knew the other shoe would have to drop. It was a big shoe and it dropped Monday, on what would’ve been Aiden’s first day of 7th grade. I knew it was coming and I was a little anxious about it, but had no idea it would be as difficult as it was. I think I was still celebrating how well our first week of empty nest went that I didn’t see this coming … Continue reading

Celebrate The Victories

celebrate the victories, fighter

We spent our first official night as Empty Nesters and I am excited to report that we are OK! Both of us. For those of you who are familiar with this blog, you know that “empty nest” has much more significance to us since the death of our youngest son. Our treasured, precious son. ( My gosh every time I write those words it still makes my heart skip a beat and my breath come short ) It was not supposed to be this way. We are trudging through the very early stages of grief from a tragic loss and now have … Continue reading

The Cloak Of Grief

Cloak of Grief

I heard an analogy that grief is like a cloak that you can never take off, but rather must wear for the rest of your life. Some days the cloak is light and you don’t feel it much and some days it’s so heavy it’s hard to move or breathe. There is no perfect analogy to explain this, but “the cloak” can at least help explain the constancy of grief. The person you are grieving is constant, never ceasing, in your mind- morning, noon and night, causing physical discomfort at best and inexplicable torment at worst. But there, always. My … Continue reading

The Question of “Why?”

Why do bad things happen?

I promised that this blog would be “real”. Real struggles, real victories, real thoughts and feelings- good, bad or ugly. No unicorns and fairy dust here. My struggle moment to moment. This is a tad long, but hang in….I will turn it around, promise. As a Christian, there are certain things I believe to be true- the Bible, first and foremost.  Praying is supposed to work too. I’m not a fairy-tale Christian that believes everything I ask for comes true and I get the perfect ending I pray for. I know very well that sometimes the answer is “no”. But … Continue reading