The Others

Layers of grief

THE OTHERS October 22 I hear the thud of the basket ball hitting the pavement. So close it could be our driveway. A few deep rubbery thuds then the reverberating sound of the ball hitting the backboard and rim, then the thud again . It repeats. Thud…thud…thud…thud… then the voices…pause…clank. This goes on and repeats several times. I smile and sense the peace that comes with that sound. He is next door, so close, and outside with his best friend and the others- all such good friends. I hear the laughing and the exclamations. I relax at that sound. He’s close, he’s safe, he’s … Continue reading

Prayer For Perseverance

Prayer For Perseverance. For bereaved parents, the ability to persevere for a lifetime is undeniable.

Prayer For Perseverance I need this prayer this weekend. I want to offer it to anyone else who is struggling through the ever-changing, ever-unpredictable and ever-challenging waters of grief. Stay the course my friends, endure and fight with me. You are not alone. For a downloadable version to save to your desktop or phone CLICK HERE FOR A PDF FILE OF “PRAYER FOR PERSEVERANCE”

This Is How We Go On…October 17, 2015

Learning how to get through the first 's without your chlld.

THIS IS HOW WE GO ON, OCTOBER 17, 2015 It took some time for the reality, the emotion and the images of the weekend to sink in. It kind of hit us mid-week and into the next weekend so I couldn’t really think about writing about it until recently. The week following Aiden’s birthday was heavy and sad. It carried the sorrow that probably would’ve surfaced over the weekend had it not been for the people that were, gratefully, with us continually. But I did show up, like I vowed I would. It was everything it could’ve been-thanks entireley to the people who made sure it … Continue reading

Loss Of A Child Does NOT “happen for a reason”.

Grief is not something that can be fixed. It can only be carried

LOSS OF A CHILD DOES NOT “HAPPEN FOR A REASON”. Loss of a child, or any tragedy does not “happen for a reason”. A friend sent me this article from the website of Tim Lawrence called The Adversity Within. It is well worth a share. I particularly love the idea he so perfectly and simply articulated, that grief is not something we choose to go through or not, or something that we need to be cured of. I have also come to understand that it is, in itself, part of surviving tragic loss. He writes, “You take responsibility for how you choose … Continue reading

Milestones; To Recognize Small Steps of Courage and Healing.

THE REALITY With the significant “firsts” ( his birthday, Thanksgiving & Christmas ) heading our way, I’m feeling a bit unsteady and vulnerable right now. I’m frightened, to be perfectly honest. I’m afraid for so many reasons. Every day is still uncharted territory. Other than  acute awareness of my loss, I never know what’s coming and being on guard for that uncertainty wears on a person. I know that every morning when I don’t go upstairs to wake him for school, Aiden dies for me again. Every ascent up the stairs face to face with his bedroom, he dies. Every time I see … Continue reading

…And She Laughs At The Future

And She laughs at the future… I heard that Proverbs scripture in church this week. It spoke to me, but in a melancholy sort of way. It spoke to me of who I was not. What I am not capable of. I felt that deep in my soul because that is not always how it was, I am not who I was. I not only laughed at the future, I embraced it with open welcoming arms. I am a planner. I planned our future in detail. I loved looking forward to the next year, the next holidays, the next birthday, the next stage of … Continue reading

The Survivors Creed

Writing a new post has been challenging this week. While I ponder and type and delete and type, please have this as a resource for the hard days, or just as a way to start your day. Please save this to your phone for yourself or for a friend who may need it. I made this for my own phone to gaze at on the days where I forget why I need to keep fighting, believing and hoping. Love to you all. Jennifer Taken from “Gone But Not Lost, Grieving The Death Of A Child”  by Weirsbe, David

Loss Of A Child: Surviving The First Days

Loss of a Child. One of the beautiful and amazing things about the human spirit is that during the most horrific of circumstances, we can still look upon the faces of those we love and that powerful transcendent emotion rises above all else.

You’ve just received the news that is every parents worst nightmare. The news that was never supposed to visit your doorstep. You have lost your child, your flesh and blood. You would die 1,000 times for this child, yet, that has no bearing in this new reality. You wish God would take you as well and end this nightmare. The urge to go be with your child is a stronger force than anything you’ve ever felt before. You need to go to him but you can’t. The pain in your body is unbearable, like no pain you have experienced before. It’s unique and awful … Continue reading

Surrender For Peace

I could not feel God in the slightest. What I did feel was an enormously lonely void from where He used to be. The very idea of God not being here and not being who I always knew Him to be was an emptiness so vast in and of itself, it was hard to comprehend. It wasn’t on purpose. I was not willingly turning from God. I just could not find him. And yes, I blamed him. I was reeling. Truly, like at any moment I would fly off into space. Like in the movies when the astronaut is trying to … Continue reading

Family Ink

From the onset of our tragedy it was incredibly important to me that our family heal together and stay connected. We all had very different experiences surrounding Aiden’s loss and are experiencing very distinct healing pathways, as expected. From day #1 I was crazy instinctual about gathering my remaining chicks ( it doesn’t matter how old they are ), pulling them in close and walking through this as a family. I needed my boys near me. I still do. As I have mentioned before, we were experiencing a true existential crisis. One I never would’ve imagined until I was in it, so I understand if you … Continue reading